Volleyball and everything else that is going on! :)

Hey! Wow...it has been such a long time since I have posted anything, so I thought that I would kinda let ya'll know what's been going on in my life! Honestly, nothing too spectacular has been going on...just the little stuff. But I guess I should learn to treasure the little stuff because when you think about it...I will never get today back. I will NEVER get my Senior year of high school back, so I need to work on liking, or even loving the little stuff :)  School is, of course, what I have been spending most of my time on. Thankfully NO SCIENCE OR LANGUAGES this year though!! For that I am truly thankful! :] The main things I am doing is Algebra 2 *gag*, literature, history, government (which I am really behind in...lol) and writing (which I am stoked about!) I am writing a novel this year, for school, so I'm really happy about that! And besides school, I have been doing work & volleyball! As for work, I think I am finally getting used to working there & how things go, for the most part. I know how to do almost everything now, I think, though I still do a lot of DVDs and Adult non-fiction! I don't know what is my favorite thing to do...DVDs are okay and pretty easy but there are usually a lot of people in the way, which I don't like lol. I like Adult non-fiction pretty well and I am getting MUCH faster at putting things in alphabetical (and numerical) order, that's for sure! I have only done the Juvie stuff once and it was okay, I guess, but the shelves are so low that you are on the ground like the whole time lol. I worked with Charity two days in a row this week (yesterday & today) and I was glad bec. she is really fun to talk too :) Okay, now onto the REALLY fun part of my life right now...volleyball :) ohhh what to say?? Well, at the end of last year, when I knew for sure that Naz was closing, I honestly didn't know what I was going to do. I probably didn't trust God as much as I should have, though I really did try too. Believe me, trusting God is SO  much easier said than done...and I mean, trusting God with whether I play sports or not probably isn't really that big of deal...but it kinda felt like it! And I am SO glad that God brought me to my Titans girls!! What would I do without you guys?! We have been on a long journey together and I am SO not ready for this to end-at all! I feel like it should just be beginning! Two years of volleyball just isn't enough for me! So for the younger girls out there: if you are at all interested in playing volleyball START NOW! (Don't wait until you're a junior in high school...not a good idea haha) But anyway...at the start of this season, I didn't know anyone...and most of us didn't know each other, though some did and had played together some. Our very first time playing together (like really playing...not practicing) was at a Ft. Wayne tournament in Indiana. It was a hard lesson to learn...we didn't do that well but we hadn't played together at all and some of our players haven't played any before this year. But I think we really did learn some things. We've been through victories as well as defeats this year and I think it has made us stronger as a team :) I sure am going to miss you guys! I wish we could just keep playing...for the whole rest of the year AT LEAST! But I will say this, I'm sure gonna come support you guys next year and the years after because I love you guys <3 I hope to see all of you younger players improve and beast it up even more in years to come! Tomorrow we leave for Ft. Wayne again. I can't even TELL YOU how excited I am! I'm looking forward to hanging out with everyone and taking pictures & making memories fo sho ;) And I wanna arrive at the gym on Saturday, ready to kick some BUTT. I wanna show those teams that we have seen before who we REALLY are and what we are capable of! I'm praying that my jump serve will work out and that my spikes, passes...and everything else goes well! 'Cause I am ready to play!! Strength in Unity <3
Since I have been so busy with work, school, & volleyball, I haven't really had time to hang out with anyone, which makes me sooo sad :/ but hopefully I will be able to hang out with some people soon! Though I will miss my volleyball girls more than ever!

Now I Am Strong

Now I am Strong

Thomas Hudson

Englad, 1558

 

The crowd looked on, curious about what the martyr would do next. Thomas hudson had come this far without denying his faith. The bishop had questioned him again and again, he'd not weakened in prison, and now he was walking to the place of execution. At the last minute, would he recant?

Just before the chain around him was made fast, Hudson stooped, slipped out from under the chain, and stood a little to one side. A hush came over the crowd- everyone wondered why he hesitated. The Christians prayed.

Only Hudson knew the real reason he had stepped down. At the last minute he had suddenly been attacked with doubts and felt his faith growing weak. Not willing to die while feeling this way, he fell upon his knees and prayed to God, who sent him comfort.

Then he rose with great joy, as a reborn man, and cried, "Now, thank God I am strong. I don't care what man can do to me!"

Going to the stake again, he put the chain around himself.

The Fire was lit.

 

~*~

Finally, let the mighty strenght of teh Lord make you strong. Put on all the armor that God gives, so you can defend yourself against the devil's tricks. We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world. So put on all the armor that God gives. Then when that evil day comes, you will be able to defend yourself. And when the battle is over, you will still be standing firm.

    -Paul the Apostle

    Martyred in Rose, 65 AD

    (Ephesians 6: 10-13 CEV)

Not Sure What To Do

So many choices...I'm a Senior, so this is when I start asking myself- what's next? This year I want to have fun, of course...but I know that means it will totally be a CRAZY year! I now work at the library and I have volleyball and I'm thinking about joining a drama group...I'm not sure if that's going to happen or not. Honestly, auditions scare me to death and I don't know very many people there so idk if I'll end up doing it or not... And after high school ends (which sounds SO weird to say) I'm planning on going to college, but what do I do in college? People keep asking me what I want to major in and stuff in college and I have to keep answering them with an I don't know for sure yet haha I mean, I'm pretty sure I want to be an author, but CU doesn't have Creative Writing as a major and I am NOT majoring in English cuz that's def. not my thing. So I guess I'll just wait to see where God leads :)

Moving too fast

How can summer almost be over already? I have to admit, I am not looking forward to starting school at all. I have enjoyed summer so much-the freedom! Summer has moved by wayyy too fast. I didn't really do all that much, I guess, but I just love the freedom of summer. When I can stay up late and get up late...that's me! But in a little less than two short weeks its back to bed early and up early which I hate :/ There are a couple of exciting things for this upcoming school year, though! First of all, I AM A SENIOR! How weird is that?! I still can't believe it and it doesn't seem real. lol But I have high hopes for this year....I am determined to make my senior year the BEST year of high school everrr! I'm not exactly sure what all of this looks like yet...I'm growing up, which means everything isn't black and white, like it used to be. Well, I am playing volleyball this year with a homeschool team (and you all should come watch a game or two!) and I am pretty stoked to get started with the games! :D Oh yeah! And I now have a job!! Yes I started looking for one April and I just now found one. lol. But God's hand was in it 'cause I now have one!! My first day of work is tomorrow and I'm pretty excited! A little nervous, I guess, 'cause I'm not really sure what to expect, but I'll be fine. I'm working at the Xenia Library, for those of you who don't know. So all of you should come visit me when I'm working! =] Other than those things, I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing this year, other than school, of course. (Why does my senior year have to be ruined w/school?? LOL jk) But there is a possibility I might be a part of stage lefters this year, though that's not for sure yet. I still can't say I'm excited for the school year at all, but I guess there's not point in absolutely dreading it....just kinda dreading it haha.

I'd Rather Be in Prison

Gao Feng

Mainland China

Circa 1997

Seven Chinese guards surrounded Gao Feng, who was handcuffed to a chair. The guards tookd turns shocking him with cattle prods. "Eat!" they commanded. "And we will stop."

Feng had gone on a hunger strike to get back his copy of the Scriptures which the guards had taken from him. They were torturing him to get him to stop the hunger strike. At times, he thought he could no longer stand the pain, but he didn't give up. They never broke his spirit.

"You couldn't reason with the guards," Feng said, "because they weren't human."

Gao Feng, a 30-year-old worker at Chrysler's Jeep plant in Beijing, had tried to work within the Communist government system to get a Protestant church registered. Only government-sanctioned churches are legal in China. All others are illegal, their services are often disrupted by the police, and the pastors and congregations are beaten and imprisoned. 

Feng collected signatures for a petition seeking government registration for his church so they could meet legally. For this "crime" he was arrested and sent to prison without a trial, his home and possessions confiscated.

As a result of his hunger strike, Feng was sent to a northern province for "re-education through labor." While there, he lived in a 12-by-20 foot cell with 16 other prisoners. They spent 12 hrs each day working in the fields. At night, with so many in such a small cell, they had to arrange themselves a certain way so that everyone could lay down. 

When he was transferred back to Beijing, he refused to chant the pro-government slogans with the other prisoners, so his "re-education" was continued. This time, his brainwashing included being forced to watch the news every evening on government-controlled TV. Finally, after more than 2 years in prison and in re-education camps, Feng was released on February 7, 1998.

To Feng, it was all worth it, and he would happily go to prison again. "I would prefer to be in prison for 2 years than to do nothing for God," he said. In fact, he feels lucky. As news of his situation reached believers in many countries, people wrote to the Chinese government demanding his release. Feng says the international attention focused on his case earned him better treatment from the Chinese authorities. "Others who are less well-known are simply executed."

                                                                          ~*~

Watch for news of Christians who are held prisoners for their faith. Pray for them. Write letters. It makes a difference!

Open your mouth for the speechless, In the cause of all who are appointed to die. Open your mouth, judge righteously; and plead the cause of the poor and needy.

       -Proverbs 31:8,9 

 

Just Wait

As the title of this whole blog says, This is me. This is who I am. If you don't like the real me, then I'm sorry but you're going to have to go find someone else. Granted, I have flaws & plenty of them! But everyone does. If you're looking for the perfect girl, you won't find her. She doesn't exist. I can only hope & pray that God's love story that He is writing for me includes you in that story. I'm afraid I fell for you a long time ago, even though I really honestly never meant too. I was totally just fine with being friends when we were kids! Why couldn't it have stayed that way forever? Why does life have to change so much?!! I honestly thought I was over you several times, and, obviously, I'm still not. I"m trying to let go because I think you pretty obviously don't like me. But you are confusing me. If you like me, I wish you would just tell me already! But if you don't, which I am afraid is the more likely answer, I think I would like to know. Because, even though the truth sometimes hurts, its worth knowing so I know that chasing around after you is a waste of time. One minute I think you don't like me but then the next minute you do or say something that makes me think you might like me. Just tell me already!!! If only you knew that every time you look me in the eyes & tell me about one of the girls you like....how gorgeous they are, you break a little piece of my heart. If only you knew that every time you lean closer to me to whisper something to me, you make my heart skip a beat. If only you knew that every time I think about last summer when I thought we might have something, I long for those times over again. That is just another reminder to never take one day or relationship for granted because you never know if you will have another day or if your relationship will be the same the day after. I know God has a plan for my life and that that plan most likely includes a guy in the future. I have the rest of my life to fall in love! I wish I hadn't fallen in love quite so soon, especially when it has become evident that you really don't feel the same way. Why do we also fall for those who don't appreciate us? God is the author of my love story so, in the meantime, I plan to just wait.
P.S. I actually wrote a song titled just wait a little bit ago kind of about the same thing...it's not very good, but its an attempt at writing these thoughts to music :)

Random Thoughts...

I know I haven't written a post in such a long time! I don't really have anything of excitement to write of, because my life is pretty boring. lol But this week is sort of my spring break, so it has been kind of fun...even though I haven't been doing much at all. I have to admit, it is quite nice to just chill for a little bit! lol Ahh its so nice to sleep in till 10!

Well, these past weeks have been very rainy and I have to say I cannot wait until it finally becomes sunny again!
I am very much looking forward to summer, though I'm not quite sure what's going to happen because I really need to find a job! It probably doesn't help that I keep putting off filling out the applications...Tomorrow, I promise I'll get those done!

I have just one question before I quite writing & go to bed: Why is it so hard to have faith that God DOES know what He's doing? I mean, I KNOW He has a plan for me-for my life....I know he had that plan in mind when he made it & gave me the talents/abilities that I have...or lack thereof. And...I really DO want to go to college & I know I'll have to work hard. But I'm kind of freaking out about even getting into college because I know I'm not very smart. lol. Why couldn't he make me smart so I wouldn't have to worry about that? Is it possibly to trust that He knows what He's doing? I mean, I really wanna go to college and everything. I guess I'll have to pray that he takes away my fear & helps me to somehow do well on the ACT...

Well, goodnight everybody :)

A Little Too Not Over You

I thought when basketball ended I would have more time on my hands...why hasn't it turned out that way? Seriously? It's getting ridicules! I'm more busy than ever...just trying to keep up with school! Let me tell you, I'm getting extremely tired of it! I am so ready to be done with all of the responsibility of doing school every single second of the day...and onto to summer bliss!

Not much is going on in my life right now...because I'm too busy doing school to do anything fun (especially during the week)...except last weekend was fun! Kristen & I finally had our birthday party together Friday night. (Yes, her birthday was in December & mine was in February) It took us like 3 months to plan. lol We were going to have it in January because that was in between our birthdays....but it never happened in either January or February, so it finally happened March 18!! It was so much fun though we completely forgot to take pictures :/ We tie-died =]

Some thoughts from David Archuleta that are relevant:

It never crossed my mind at all.
It's what I tell myself.
What we had has come and gone.
You're better off with someone else.
It's for the best, I know it is.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside,
And I turn around.
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you....

Memories, supposed to fade.
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go.
Didn't think it'd be this hard.
Should be strong, movin' on.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside.
And I turn around,
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Maybe I regret everything I said,
No way to take it all back, yeah...
Now I'm on my own..
How I let you go, I'll never understand.
I'll never understand, yeah, oohh..
Oohhh, oohhh, oohhhh..
Oohhh, ooohhhh, oohhh.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
And I really don't know what to do.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you, oohhh.. <3

Just Livin' Life

My fingers are all red & cold because John wanted me to play basketball outside with him for a while. It's 7:30 and I just came in so it was dark. Other than the cold, it was kind of fun! It makes it more interesting/challenging when you play it in the dark! I should play basketball in the dark more often (in the summer though)!

Since today is Tuesday, I went over to Arrowwood for GNC. The kids there are so sweet! Today Dara, Micah, Megan, and Reuben all wanted hugs! I love when the kids want me to sit next to them or give them a hug or just talk to them. They also say really funny things! Especially the two youngest, Megan & Micah. Jennelle was wearing pink-ish eye shadow today & Micah asked her what was around her eyes...was it blood?? We both laughed about that. lol! I really hope the kids are getting something out of this & they are growing in their relationship with Jesus Christ. And, if they don't know Him personally, yet, than they will do so.

I had the most fun I've had in a longgg time last weekend when I went over to the Gilberts' house! :) Between the three of us, we drank a whole bottle of mt. dew! So we stayed up 'til 6! =] haha and we watched 3 movies that night & then 3 more the next day. The next day was also the basketball team's party, so that was fun too! I think I was there for a full 24 hours. haha.

Since I was gone for most of the morning & also most of the afternoon, I have a lot of school to get done :(

Thankfullness

It's winter...still. I am very aware of that. If you are like me, you can't wait for winter to end and for summer to arrive! I start really LIVING in the summer!! ahh I love it! And, if you are like me, you have a tendency to complain about how its still cold outside and that you are so tired of the weather...and school. I'm totally with you. But I was just thinking...God gave us winter (and the other seasons that we might not love as much as summer) as well as summer. He doesn't want us to just have a good attitude and to love every minute of life in the summer...we should have those things is ALL seasons. God gave us the time that we have for a reason...we can either make the most of everything now, or wish our life away. I don't know if you agree with me or not, or if you've ever felt this way...you probably have. What person in his/her right mind doesn't love summer? haha But I think it def. makes us look forward to summer that much more because winter seems to drag on & on. I can't wait for summer...you know, the warm weather, the vacations, camp, hanging out with friends, no school! If you're with me, comment! :) haha

Oh, by the way...I was just wondering...does anyone know where I can find a super cute & modest sundress? Are they out there? haha Or just summery dress...white if possible? idk I just think they're really cute but they would have to be super modest for my parents to let me wear it haha.

Stress

I am so stressed out right now. All I want to do is go to bed but I can't...I'm taking time to write this real fast then I have to go back to reading the Lit. book that I really need to finish by tomorrow! I have sooo much stuff to do still! Four basketball games in one week is just too much...and today's game wasn't fun at all. We got whooped and stomped on & everything else. On a brighter note, I scored all but one of our points! :( It was bad. I am soo tired but I really need to go read. And I have barely even started on my writing assignment for this week (Thankfully I get two weeks to work on it but idk if it'll get done by then either...) and I'm not as ahead in math that I wanted to be & I suck at the ACT Prep stuff...I'm seriously going to fail it! So...basically that's my life right now. Suckssss...I hate being stressed out! haha but who loves it, right?

Where You Lead, I Will Follow

I don't really know what to write. My life isn't partially...exciting. All I do is school and basketball. (By the way...game on Saturday against XC...super excited!) But anyways...my life is pretty mundane...everyday...routine. But maybe that isn't all bad. It is nice to have a change every now and then...but maybe God makes this routine for me for a purpose. I know something that might 'break' that routine...if only for a little while. I'm turning 17 in two days!!!

Why do we have such trouble trusting that God knows best? Why is it so much easier to try to go our own way? I'm kind of at a time right now that I'm really not sure which way to go. And this probably sounds stupid because its not like what I do next year will either make or break my future or my life forever! So...yeah I'm not really sure what I'm going to do next year. Naz is not going to be a high school next year and that has been where I have played sports ever since I was a freshman and that was also how I hung out with people. I wanted to have so much fun for my Senior Year. And I'm sure that I can still have a lot of fun my Senior Year! I mean, God knows what I want but He knows best, right? I was looking forward to playing volleyball again...for now I will never really get to play it again on a team, probably (except for intermirals in college which I will totally do!!!) and I also wanted to play basketball for one more year & also get to know the people there better. They are amazing and I love them and we probably won't see each other much anymore after this year :( I also wanted to go on a missions trip with some of my friends from Naz...but it looks like that won't happen now. So I'm not sure where God is leading me, but I know that He is leading me somewhere...maybe toward something that I can actually include in my future! Where You Lead, I Will Follow.

For not knowing what to say I said quite a lot! Haha. Just one more thing....if you are like me and you feel like everyday is the same...maybe a little boring? I would encourage you to enjoy every minute that you have because you will never get that minute...that hour...that day back again. <3 peace :)

Give It Your ALL-Yes That Means Everything

I have come to realize that I often wish my life away. I don't mean too...I say I love my life and where I am (well, sometimes...) but I do. I'm always looking forward-toward summer or college or reaching adulthood or anything like that, that I forget to enjoy every day. I'm so incredibly busy, mostly with school, that it is often hard to have fun. Usually I don't really have time to have fun until the weekends...but most weekends I don't even end up doing anything that is really all that fun! So just remember to have as much fun as possible every day, even if you're busy because you only get today once...and you only get to be a teenager once so let's live it up!! [Rosalind, you inspired this ;) haha]

Also, whatever you love doing...give it all you got. Work at it, even if it gets tough. Chance is that God put that desire to be good at that something (whatever it happens to be) in you for a reason...maybe its part of His Plan for YOUR life :) So don't quit...even when its hard, even when you feel like quitting, even when no one understands...stay strong & keep going! [Emma you sorta inspired this ;)]

I love Jonny Diaz's music so check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af-4-eY13OM

You Make Me Beautiful

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory


You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

****
As a girl, I often think about my outward appearance. As hard as I try not too, I confess, I still do. There are definitely times when I want to be beautiful and make someone 'stand in awe' sort of, as weird as that sounds. But then on the second chorus of the song...it just reminds me that God makes me beautiful on the inside, which is what really matters anyway! He steps inside of my heart and I am amazed. And someday I want to hear HIM say that I am quite enough. I love this song so much and it is so realavent to my life and I'm sure to yours as well.

Completely Random

I am so tired right about now. I feel like my feet are about to fall off! haha Yes, I had a basketball game tonight and I sucked...like seriously. haha. But we'll get 'em next time, right? I can't believe we lost to TEMPLE! We beat them soo easily last year...but that was last year and I guess I just need to step it up and be a better leader. It was a hard game. I was sooo mad for the last couple minutes of the game. I totally pushed # 5 pretty hard towards the end!! haha If I could only make my free throws...that would help a lot! I haven't even shot any 3s yet, that I remember. If I have, they haven't gone in. I'm not usually out that far...since I'm basically sorta/kinda a post "player"...even though I don't really like playing post very much. Its better this year though because I actually sorta know what's going on and what I'm supposed to be doing lol. I really should be doing school right now...grr I am soo tired of school taking over my life.I was gone from 2:45 to like 7:45, so...that was a big chunk out of my day, which didn't help me get anything done!

Christmas Break is fading fast...

I can't believe Christmas break has already come and gone. Tomorrow the mundane, routine thing called daily life continues. I am trying very hard not to dread it but I can't help but dread it! I mean I had 3 weeks off for Christmas break and I'm not going to lie, it was really super nice! Even though I didn't really end up doing all that much it was just nice to get out of routine for a while and to relax and not have to do schoolwork every second of the day! Lord, please help me to not get bothered or distracted with the routine, business of life and forget why I am here in the first place. This week is going to be really busy. On top of getting used to my daily routine again, I have four basketball games this week! I believe they are on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, & Saturday! Talk about crazy! Then, of course, Good News Club is starting up again (A bible study for elementary kids at a school that I help out with). This week should be interesting and I'm not really looking forward to most of it, but its going to come whether I want it to or not...so I might as well at least TRY to have a good attitude!